Friday, June 10, 2005

The President Speaks

Time for an oldie but goodie


For Immediate Release 02.25.2005
Contact: Scott McClellan

My fellow Americans,

Tonight I come before you to share with you the truth about the world as I now understand it.

As you know, I have just returned from Europe where I visited with President Chirac of France, Prime Minister Shroeder of Germany, and President Putin of Russia.

From these visits, I have come to realize that The United States, and its allies, and all the Nations of the World now face an enemy that will require our best and our most focused energies.

It is now clear to me that the greatest danger we face in the world is not terrorism, or Islamic fundamentalism. Nor, are we seriously threatened by petty tyrants who would abuse their own peoples to enrich themselves or their private allies.

Based on what I now understand, I believe that our greatest enemy, our greatest foe, is a force more powerful than all of the arsenals of all of the nations. It is a force that can destroy a city in moments.

It is a force that can destroy our ability to feed ourselves. It is a force that can literally bring our way of life down to the point where all rule of law is lost and where only the strong, the wealthy, and most fortunate survive.

No, I am not speaking of Nuclear Weapons, or Nuclear Proliferation.

The force I am speaking of is Mother Nature.

There is now no doubt that our continued use of fossil fuels has changed the air around us to the point that we have set in motion certain forces of Mother Nature that will, in the very near future, change the most valuable asset we humans have.

That asset is a stable climate.

I will not go into the details of what we must prepare to expect, but I must be frank and honest. This will indeed be a great struggle. One that will eclipse the great Wars of the last century.

This Country has always responded creatively and courageously in times of great peril, and we will do so once again.

Therefore, I have instructed the members of my cabinet to create a War Cabinet to combat this peril.

We will immediately take steps to bring about the following.

We will bring the intellectual greatness of the country together to develop the forms of energy that we will need so that we do not further compound our problem. I will reorganize the Department of Energy. We will ask Congress to pass laws prohibiting the burning of coal. We will rewrite our tax code to stimulate the growth of clean renewable energy and to punish those who continue to place our well being at risk by the continued use of fossil fuels.

We will develop the new technologies that will begin to slow the pace of these potentially devastating changes as if our very lives depended upon it, because in fact, our lives and our children's lives do depend on it.

As you know, I come from the Oil Industry.

And I come from Texas.

The home of the Oil Industry.

I will personally see that my industry vigorously embraces the new clean energy technologies we will need to accomplish these objectives. If they do, I will issue an executive order that will pardon my industry for its apparent crimes.

For those that do not, I will ask the Attorney General to initiate legal action that will impose penalties that will bring them, their boards, and their stockholders into ruin. Criminal penalties will also be imposed.

Even though I do not want to say anything that will lessen the gravity of this announcement, I will say this.

The creation of an advanced solar hydrogen economy will change our need for foreign oil.

It will change the geo-politics in the Mid-East.

We will be able to take our troops, our army, and our navy out of the region.

These savings will give us part of the funds we will need as we work together to save our climate.

This is a special and auspicious moment in time.

Let it be said, that on this night, this nation set forth on a new sea.

And although this sea is full of unknown danger and peril,

This sea will ultimately bring opportunities, new industries, new sciences, and new horizons.

Together we will sail this sea,

and together,

we will meet on that other distant shore.

Thank you and good night.

The President

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Blogger John Hamre said...

Even if all the evidence of a Worldwide disaster looming in our immediate future was undisputed and apparent to all, I doubt our President, this President at least, would ever make such a speech. Unless I’ve been totally clueless to the events of recent news lately, I am assuming that this speech had never actually been given but is in fact only a wishful thinking speech you hope that the President would actually give.

11:36 AM  
Blogger polit thoughts said...

I absolutely love the idea that jd for a moment thought Bush might have said this. What optimism!

11:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You needed to mention Terrorism at least five more times and drop in the flowering of Democracy in Iraq. Oh, Don't forget Halliburton will be manufacturing and installing all new energy windmills, and the goverment will now have the power to appropriate privite land that will be optimal for wind power.

12:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Phantasmagoric, but I guessed that this was parody when you got to the part about the rich people.

Testing the anonymous mode,

12:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

String Theory described by physicists has finally been confirmed by "W" morphing into "OZ". CHF

12:49 PM  
Blogger oZ said...

you can't push a string,
but you can use it to fly a kite.

1:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

somehow, I think that this president is capable of this. God, I hope so.

12:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

abolishing coal and prosecuting oil criminals, I love it.

12:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oops...wrong planet...

1:12 PM  
Blogger oZ said...

Good to hear from Johnny
Dakota and Polit thoughts again.
Johnny, did you ever get that package I left for you with the waiter in Santa Monica?

thanks all for your comments.

5:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

we really should outlaw coal and we really should do this.

3:06 PM  
Blogger John Hamre said...

No sorry Oz. I missed my flight to California (again). Please send it to:
P.O. Box 640
Bismarck, ND 58501
Attn: John

Your blog is the best of the best.

9:47 AM  
Blogger oZ said...

I hope the waiter still works there. thanks for the good word JD.
pass it on.

2:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

my god, this is funny and sad and inspiring all at once.

9:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think we ought to be planning the Rennaissance that freeing up the money spent on fossil fuel brings. We need art, theatre, music and other gentle pursuits performed live in every corner of the land. Today's WPA is long overdue, almost forgotten.

9:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was actually excited as I was reading thru the posting but maybe the thrid cell in my brain that processed the information stopped me from believeing it was real. Times like that I wish I wasn't as realistic as I am...we are in the game....Dorothy

3:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I stumbled upon this again.

What a wonderful piece.

11:55 AM  

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