Thursday, February 16, 2006

Secret Decoder Ring

Last year, while opening a box of Ovaltine,

I noticed a free offer for a secret decoder ring.

All I had to do was save up 14 jar coupons and send them in

to Battle Creek.

Well, my ring came in today and geesh,

Am I glad that I don't drink coffee anymore.

It's doesn't look like much, but it works great.

It has a little magnifying glass that decodes the secret messages

underneath almost any political statement.

Here are today's revelations.

He was peppered pretty good.

Soups and salads are peppered, he was shot at almost point blank range.

I stand by my decision to let the ranch owner make the call.

We were all loaded.

No one ever suspected that the levees might be breached.

If 200,000 poor people are forced to leave NOLA, there won't be any more black mayors or democratic governors from LA.

We must protect our borders.

Mexican Americans tend to vote wrong.

We cannot have a nuclear Iran.

Iran has the third largest oil reserves and the second largest natural gas reserves.

We are winning the war in Iraq.

No one gets out of the green zone ever.

Americans want the freedom to invest their retirement savings.

The stock market needs more musical chair money and the owners have already lost or stolen the pension money.

Social Security will be bankrupt in 2026.

Hyperinflation is coming to a theatre near you soon.

We must continue to study Climate Change.

We have already screwed the pooch.

America has a great and bright future.

The mierda is hitting the fan.

Americans are a great people.

but their leaders suck.

I wanted to use my SDR on several other statements,

but after a few minutes of use,

It ran out of power.

I called Battle Creek to get a new battery.

They said " it doesn't have one."

I asked how it worked.

"It's like a crystal radio", the lady said.

"It just does."

So why did it stop working?

"Give it time", she said.

"They have a governor on them.

It will recharge."

Besides, too much decoding,

does not a happy camper make.


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Blogger Urban Denizen #512 said...

Now all we need to do is launch Stagira Cereal Company, invoke my ghost buddy Plato, and offer the Gyges' Ring, only to become invisible to do the bidding of Real Justice.

The first against the wall: The Sophists, Left and Right.

Because: “[They] invented an ingenious sophism, which, if conceded, was followed by perfectly logical steps, through all the incidents, to the complete destruction of the Union."

Gyges' Ring, On!

8:58 AM  
Blogger Step Back said...

Surely there must be a way to automate this fantastic device.

The power elite already have acquired a secret ENcoder ring. Why their encoded words seem to fly out on automatic and in massive quantities. The only problem is they bought their rings from the Village Idiot Company (just teasing).

9:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

very insightful and darkly funny. MS

1:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was already smiling as I read the title - such a creative way of exposing the spin.

This would make Noam Chomsky proud

7:33 AM  

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