Saturday, April 01, 2006

Dark Sun


You may have missed this story today.

Sun Goes Out
United Associated Press International

At approximately 11:11, PST, just a day before daylight savings time was to begin, the Sun went dark. The"Sun" as it is widely known, is a star of spectral class G2 and luminosity class V. This former G2V class star is located in the Milky Way galaxy.

Officials of the Bush administration were slow to respond to reporters questions, but shortly before what used to be nightfall, the President's spokesman spoke with reporters with the President's Science advisor at his side.

"We are studying the situation and we consider it to be a serious problem. Without the Sun, the war on terror will be seriously impacted no doubt", said McClellan.

Other officials blamed the press for the gloomy assessments.

"The liberal press is once again trying to paint this situation to make the President look bad", said an unnamed official. "There are a lot of good things that could happen from this. We will need to mine more coal so that our power plants can provide the light we will need. We will need to build a lot of grow lights to replace the light that once grew our food. That will mean manufacturing jobs and that's good for the economy. There will be more consumer spending as consumers change their wardrobes.

"Besides, some industries will do quite well with no sun," said another. "We imagine that night clubs and gambling casinos might actually see substantial gains in revenues with this new development. "

"We think that the issue should be studied and we want to make sure that our response to it will not negatively affect the American Economy", said the President's Scientific Advisor.

Perhaps most importantly, fears of Global Warming and charges that the administration is doing nothing about it can finally be put to rest. In the long run, we believe that our position to "not act" will be seen in a more favorable light now." (if there was any)

Officials at NOAA were warned to not accept interviews with major media until the administration's position could be placed into understandable talking points.

Leaders from the Democratic Party were hard pressed to come up with a coherent response.

Leaders at the Pentagon were seen moving to their hardened bunkers.

Since the sun went out, temperatures have been steadily dropping at about 4 degrees an hour around the world. It is expected that as daybreak fails to arrive, more and more people and most of the world's roosters will become truly confused.

"The President intends to stay the course", said McClellan.

"That is what leadership is all about.

And that is what the American People expect."


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*art courtesy of Eugene Yesaulenko


Anonymous Anonymous said...

from J.

Everything is fine in the world.

10:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

one of your best, thanks for laugh and the truth.

11:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

this belongs in the Onion.

5:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It is pretty amazing the lengths that the powers that be go to shape our world.

I really appreciate that you are dedicated to sorting out the truth. The heartland story is pretty grim.

Thanks for inserting the excerpt from your book.

I especially like the line

" It will give us the opportunity to examine our system of transportation and our need to express our freedom through mindless mobility"

You are a visionary and a gifted writer. Thanks for sharing.

8:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You had me going with the Dark Sun story until I reached the line about the consumers and their wardrobes.

Very clever, very dark.

8:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't believe that people even waste brain cells coming up with idiotic stuff like this! Obviously you are editing the commentary.

12:13 AM  

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