
Recently I found myself holding three
international checks.
Our credit union had returned one in Canadian Dollars.
There was another Canadian check in US Dollars.
The third was a check from Malaysia, in US Dollars
drawn on an American Bank which has no branches in Texas.
I called Frost Bank and was told by a nice man
that if I opened an account, their International Services
Department would take care of me.
A Personal Banking Officer began taking information,
glared at me when my cell phone rang, or maybe it was when
I said we worked with several writers in Iran.
The call was Jay who had parking issues.
The Personal Banking Officer was definitely cool by the time
I said our monthly deposits would be below $100,000,
or was it when I showed her the check from Malaysia?
Earlier over the phone the rep in San Antonio, who suggested
I go to the downtown Austin location to open an account,
had asked "Homeland Security" questions.
"Do you buy or sell explosives?"
"Do you receive money from Iraq, Iran, Palestine, North Korea, Africa?"
"Do you have a website?"
"We publish poetry," I said.
From now on we’ll use credit cards or wire transfers
I was thinking to myself.
"We work with poets in Iran," I said, "but that
has nothing to do with banking."
Soon my Personal Account Officer disappeared
to "check some things."
I wondered if she was reading our website.
Jay arrived and began talking about pearl farms in China.
She returned with questions.
"How much money do you earn a year?"
"Are you going to be depositing only foreign checks?"
"Do you intend to transfer all your banking to Frost Bank?"
She disappeared again, returned, took our three foreign checks
to the teller, explaining, "I don’t know how they do this."
Jay said that clams die in water that is too warm, or polluted
and the gigantic pearl industry in China and the Philippines
was endangered.
I said, "Where is their International Services Department?"
She returned and said the checks would take up to eight weeks
to clear, and would be deposited "for collection."
"You will be charged $22 each."
"The check in Canadian Dollars could take six months,"
she said.
"An Insufficient Funds charge?" I asked.
"Exactly," she said.
Jay indicated we would call another bank.
"You assume the checks are bad?"
"We don’t know you," she said.
"The one drawn on an American Bank —"
I said, "I believe it is a Cashier’s Check.
Isn’t that basically money?"
"I don’t feel comfortable opening an account for you," she said.
I must have looked surprised because she added,
"I don’t have to open an account for anyone if I don’t want to."
I must have looked incredulous because she said,
"I think you only want this account to deposit foreign checks."
I was thinking about the nice man on the telephone
in San Antonio who told me to do exactly that.
Jay stood up, began to leave.
"We have been thrown out," he said.
Labels: poetry, political philosophy
2 Comments:
The Frost Bank customer police... it is a sign of their ignorance and closed mind. Frost Bank would not open an account for a corporation sole because they did not know what it was and did not know me. How can you know someone before they are a customer? Oh, I know, come from a privileged family with big bucks. Then they can do no wrong, right? I went to another bank and had no problem.
I just read your piece about Frost Bank and the foreign checks. I can relate! I have had major run-ins with big banks including Bank of America and Wells Fargo. My mother worked for banks for many years of shabby exploitative treatment. The minute she got sick with what was her terminal illness, they fired her.
I would rank banks behind only insurance companies (and some obvious nominees like Enron, Halliburton) on the sleaze scale. I still battle with them when I have to, which is pretty often.
js
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