The Ten Suggestions
Dutifully, I pounded my Echinacea with the Goldenseal. (Don't ask me why) Still, I mostly just made cow noises.
After 4 days, I began to rebound a little. The 4 Ibufrofens every eight hours were beginning to induce a state that was a rough approximation of life on earth as I had remembered it. Encouraged, I decided to take a walk. The sun was warm, the wind was out of the north, but it really wasn't that cold for early February.
"Where you going?" asked Janelle.
I walked over to the pit next door to my house where an army of front end loaders, all terrain fork lifts, and dirt movers had colluded over the last few weeks to torture me and the entire neighborhood with their OSHA mandated back up beepers. I may have even put some duct tape in my coat pocket to muffle them.
I looked deep into the forty foot pit, and saw a hole that seemed new to me. Suddenly, the dirt around me started moving towards the hole as if it was late for work. I grabbed the tree branches behind me, but they broke off in my hands.
As I careened towards the blackness, I felt the duct tape begin to bruise my side as I slid, grabbing the dirt and rocks that were falling at roughly the same pace as I was.
When we all hit the hole, I remember a sense of falling, but yet there was a sense of being in space, almost like the zero gravity we see when the astronauts show off for the cameras on their missions.
Then, with a light "foof", I landed. The dust was thick. I could see a tiny circular hole above me. A small ray of light found its way down to my dusty plight. It was just enough light to see though, especially as the dust began to settle. I coughed and checked myself out. My duct tape was still in my coat pocket.
As I got my bearings, I could see that I was sitting on a giant pile of dirt and sand in a humongous cavern. The walls were yellow, almost gold. Then I saw him. (or her)
"Max", the voice said in one of those Hollywood voices, "Get down here"
Slowly I made my way down the mound. I felt like an ant.
The Man had wings and a shield and a sword and sorry, he glowed a little too. He was way gay looking though.
"Max" take this scroll to the leaders of the world.
"What's it say?"
"Call it the 10 suggestions"
"Suggestions for what?
"How to survive"
"I thought you guys were more into commandments"
"We gave up on that approach", said the sheman.
"Can I open it?"
"You won't give me a hint?"
The first one is
We strongly suggest that you give up all violence"
"Ghandi and Jesus already suggested that.
What's the next one?"
"We strongly suggest that you learn to get along"
"I had to learn that in kindergarden.
"We strongly suggest that you stop burning things."
"But if we don't burn things, we won't have any power."
"Burning things reduces your power.
Do what we do."
"Learn to live on light."
"That's enough, go now."
I grabbed the scroll and dutifully started up the mound. As I placed one foot in front of the other, the sand rolled over it. With each step, I gained no ground. I looked up at the tiny hole of light above me. I began to step faster. I wondered if my duct tape would help.
With each step I grew more and more weary. I began to yell, up into the hole, Anyone there? Anyone there? I yelled louder and louder and finally I heard:
"Max...Max, come to sweetie."
The hole suddenly grew larger, and then I saw Janelle and her gleaming blue eyes.
"You've been delirious for a day sweetie."
I decided not to ask her where the scroll was.
Must be with the duct tape.
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