Beauty

I had one of those days that you remember.

I have the flu, but it was a weird kind that started off normal, up high in the nose and throat, and then, on the fourth day, it went to the stomache instead of the lungs. I woke up with cramps that would make your mother pay attention.

And later in the morning, I almost passed out in the bathroom.

I don't mean I got a little light headed, I mean, I barely kept from being found like they found the King. (Elvis)

My friend wanted to take me to the hospital, but I'm too hard headed.

But days like this do serve their purpose. For one, you remember to not take your good health for granted.

And you are greatful for all the things that are good and beautiful in your life.

I had another post up earlier and I was about to push publish and whammo, the screen goes black, and then nothing but a little tiny red light shows in the bottom right hand corner of my new Sony flat monitor. It has happened before. And like before, the work was lost.

The lost post was more "seriousness" of course.

And these are certainly serious times.

But when I am not serious, I play.

I play piano, I write poetry, and I talk to the birds who bathe in the pool I keep for them. I watch the flowers, and the clouds, and often marvel at the beauty of the creation we walk through.

In Mexico, I have even been able to see the beauty of the plastic sacks that stick on the cactus, and thus have managed to see beauty in man's trash in the pristine wilderness. This one took some work.

I doubt if anyone who saw the movie American Beauty can forget the grace and magic of that plastic sack floating and swirling against that brick wall.

But Lester Burnham's last lines in the movie are good too.

LESTER: They say your entire life flashes in front of your eyes when you die. It's not really your entire life... It's just the moments that stood out... And they're not the ones you'd expect, either...

The moments you remember are tiny ones, some you haven't thought of in years... If you've thought of them at all... But in the last second of your life, you remember them with astonishing clarity... Because they're just so... beautiful... that they must have been imprinted, on like a cellular level...

For me it was, lying on my back at Boy Scout camp, watching falling stars...

And yellow leaves from the ginkgo trees that lined our street...

Or my grandmother's hands, and the way her skin seemed like paper...

And the first time I saw my cousin Tony's brand new GTO...

And the way I felt when Angela first smiled at me...

I guess I could be pretty pissed about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst...

And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life...

You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure...

but don't worry...

You will someday.

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