Thursday, November 10, 2005

The Sun Bather Riots

Time for an oldie but goodie.

Of all the new solar advancements,

this one is truly revolutionary.

Here is the story.

You can leave your hat on.

by Max Stamp
Global United Press International

Ministers of the G18 met today in emergency session to develop a unified approach and strategy to counter the wave of solar oil adopters that are decimating the economies of the developed nations and threaten to bring industrial civilization to a standstill.

"We must and will stop the illegal use of this solar oil", said Jorge Bushe IV, Chairman of the Council. "We are a nation and a world of law and order and the use of this illegal oil will be stopped."

Tens of millions of Solar Oil Demonstrators have been sleeping and lounging in every available square meter of land surface in New York, Paris, London, Washington, Rome, Berlin, and Tokyo. Many have taken to wearing only beach attire.

Vice Chairman Gerhard Steiner said, "This is a pandemic of epic proportions that will ruin the industrialized world if we do not put an end to the use of this solar oil and to the anti development behavior that ensues from its use."

Use of Solar Oil, which was introduced to the public just six months ago has skyrocketed. It is estimated there are over 100 million users today with tens of millions joining the ranks of these illegal users every week.

Because the Oil can be made with common everyday chemicals and the recipe has been released on the internet, it has been virtually impossible for the developed nations to curtail its use. Whole industries are being effected either by sudden lack of demand or by workers walking off their jobs demanding better pay and health benefits.

"No longer can the rich and powerful hold us down," explained one of the leaders of the growing movement. "We are no longer slaves to those who would use our labor, our imaginations, and our need to care for our families to enrich themselves at the expense of our health, and our right to a decent and prosperous life."

Those who have enslaved and abused their workers must now come to us and pay us fairly and equitably, said a young Russian demonstrator.

All over the world, use of Solar Oil is spreading like no phenomenon ever known.

"This is the revolution all humans have been waiting for", said Emiliano Zena, of Italy. "The genie is out of the bottle, and he will not go back until justice and equality prevail".

The crowds chanted, "We are not afraid, We are not afraid".

Solar Oil, which was invented by French bio-nanochemist Jacque Solare, is applied to the skin of any human. When used in conjunction with the companion blue pill, the skin becomes capable of converting ambient energy from the sun or any heat source into bioenergy that can replace the need for food. By sitting in the sun for just an hour, an average adult can receive all the energy it needs for a day. Such ability is not unknown in other species such a certain lizards.

Some users have been known to reduce their caloric intake from carbon chains to less than 100 calories a day. Most users eat and drink just enough to keep their digestive tracts operating and healthy.

Since the Solar Oil can be made for pennies a day, its users realize that they are no longer dependent on their jobs for food. Many have even given up their houses, choosing to live in the public spaces of the cities.

Chairman Bushe warned all users.

"We may not have enough jails yet, but when we get enough workers to build them, we will put all of these law breakers where they belong. "

Humberto Rey of Spain, a leader of the radical basque sun bathers, countered the Chairman's threat with a threat of his own.

"With Solar Oil, humankind can finally be free of the bonds of its oppressors.

It is Chairman Bushe who will ultimately find himself behind bars. And we feel confident that there will be ample room in an existing prison for him and his companions."

You give me reason to live.

You give me reason to live.

You give me reason to live.

Now watch this.

*art courtesy hanson gallery


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And thanks to Steve Baer.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

So this is a metaphor right? A metaphorical way to talk about a solar economy?

Or do you know of such oil?

8:18 AM  
Blogger oZ said...

This is a bunker buster.

The way of life we all accept as the way it must be, is not the ony way to design a civilization.

What if it was public policy to plant fruit and nut trees all over the earth so that humans could live without fear of starving?

What if food was as free and available as sunshine, air, and water?

What if it was public policy to reduce jobs through advanced robotics so that citizens could be free to paint, and write, and create beauty and harmonious lives?

What if it was public policy to actually provide freedom, not just use the word as a rallying cry for aggression and war?

Politicians, et al speak of more jobs, more growth, and more consumer buying as the only road map to a successful culture of happy and productive citizens.

A healthy economy does not necessarily make healthy or happy people.

In fact, one could argue, it most defintely does not provide for our domestic welfare or tranquility. Hence, we have the need to numb ourselves, with alcohol, TV, sports, and the meaningless accumulation of consumer goods and products.

Yeah, I guess it was a metaphor.

The formula for the oil is in my ex-girl friends safety deposit box..

9:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please send me two quarts of Solar Oil via Fed Ex. Also send ten gallons of solar paint to convert my roof to a photovoltaic collector when the paint becomes available later this year. This comment poasted from my pocket PC while under a shade tree in the middle of the M-Bar ranch. Chf

11:44 AM  
Blogger oZ said...

While we are shipping that direction, perhaps your neighbor down the road would like a batch too.

Oh, and you forgot to specify the color of the power paint.

And you will need the conducting mesh that is enlayed into the paint as you spray it on.

8:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It all comes back to jobs, the kind people get paid to do. I fear that those who would make money writing, painting, dancing, whatever, are vastly more pleniful than the paying jobs that utilize them. There are 400 trained ballerinas for 70 jobs in ballet. Those who want to persue it as a career must go to Europe, where fine arts are treated like a bureaucracy, supported by tax monies.
After completing a book and a screenplay that were ignored, I decided that reading and writing were overrated. In most of my jobs I was hired neither to read nor write, or because I could.

9:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

we can all be lounge lizards

10:15 AM  

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